This post was contributed by a community member. The views expressed here are the author's own.

Health & Fitness

Peer Relations and Your Gifted Child

How do parents of gifted children help nurture healthy, positive friendships?

Raising a gifted child often comes with its own sets of challenges in many areas of life but one area that requires particular understanding is their experience of making and maintaining friends.

Many people think that because a gifted child may show a higher level of mental acumen or maturity than peers his or her age that they should automatically do well at interacting with others. But it is often just the opposite as the gifted child tends to develop asynchronously, meaning that emotional and behavioral development may happen faster or slower than chronological age development, making them feel a bit awkward around peers. Some have described this experience as being both “too young” and "too old” compared to their peers at the same time. This can lead to feeling isolated and alone.

Most kids tend to choose friends based on common interests and activities, thus fostering a bond that encourages sharing and give and take. Because a gifted child may be in classes below their abilities, or in accelerated classes this natural process is sometimes not given the opportunity to take place. Thus, parents may need to provide special attention and effort to cultivate these bonds in other settings such as the home, during enrichment activities, or special play dates.

Gifted children often "march to the beat of their own drum" as well in the ways they dress, things they choose to fill their time with, or even the way they speak and interact with others. In the social arena of school, where their peers tend to run in packs and popularity is often fostered by sameness and similarity, this can make it harder for the gifted child to fit in. Others may see the gifted child’s difference as radical, intentional, rebellious, or otherwise in opposition to the “norm.” In the academic setting the gifted child might be coined as a know-it-all or bossy just because they are consistently enthusiastic about learning and engaging with the teacher. All of these can result in the gifted child standing out as being “different.”

As a parent, you can steer your child in directions that inspire positive peer relationships. Try talking with them about the benefits of going along with group goals once in a while, and talking about commonalities they see between them and others that could be naturally acted upon. The goal is not to conform, but to understand the costs of not negotiating or “playing the game.” Try to find others that share their interests and passions, even if they are older or younger. Try to find enrichment activities where they may meet others who are similar to them.

You might also try role-playing and teaching them basic social skills. For example, you might act as a peer student and have your child ask you questions about your interests, while practicing active listening and then discussing your responses. Giving your child the opportunity to act out these situations can help ease them “practice” dealing with the realities of peers one on one while also helping them break through those invisible barriers that separate them from the rest of the world -- with the potential for more positive social engagement now and in the future.

Dr. Dan Peters, Ph.D., is co-founder of the Summit Center, which provides psychological and educational assessments and counseling for children and adolescents, specializing in the gifted, creative, and twice-exceptional.

We’ve removed the ability to reply as we work to make improvements. Learn more here

The views expressed in this post are the author's own. Want to post on Patch?